take the wheel

I drove down the road going quickly but safely. Purpose and goals drove me onward to the promise of good things. The road was straight and smooth with some traffic but not blocking my way. I counted down the miles to the half way point of my destination. Each sign I read as I drove by affirmed I was where I needed to be. The day was a perfect day for driving; sunny with blue skies, white poufy clouds and endless potential. Soft music spilled out of the speakers, calm and soothing. Fresh air rolled through the open windows.
Finally I arrived to the halfway point and stopped to refill my tank and get snacks. I knew exactly where I was going, having planned the whole trip on my road map. I stepped up to the plastic cold counter and, feeling a little rebellious, picked up a pack of cigarettes too. Never having smoked this was a surprising decision, but I had already made it this far doing the same thing, time to try something new. Everyone always says expand your horizons, although I don’t think this is what they meant.
I pulled back out onto the road. Few cars passed me but I was in no hurry. The flame from my lighter burst up allowing me to inhale that first drag. One hand was on the steering wheel, the other out the window with the cigarette, I drove on. A fork in the road came up, right or left. I knew the map said go right, continue on the same straight road. But a voice in my ear whispered go left. I knew the left would lead me to the same destination, it was just windier. I decided to go left and see where it would take me. Out of the way this road had less traffic and a slower speed limit but I ignored both, cruising along, still in control. The cd that had been playing ended and I rummaged through my glove box to find something new. An unmarked disc caught my eye and I put it in, curious. The music was heavy with a deep bass that rattled the windows. I enjoyed the new beat. Another fork came up and this time I didn’t think, just went left. I figured if I got lost I could always turn around. The road banked a little more here, preventing me from seeing what was ahead all the time. Sharper turns made me change my driving style a little. I allowed the car to slide more, giving into the curves. This road was even more obscure so there was little risk of running into a cop.
Another fork came up and I knew going right would lead me back to the main drag. The old road and destination held no interest anymore. Going straight, heading for my old goal seemed boring, like something from long ago. I wasn’t sure I even wanted to reach my past destination, although I knew I was still close enough to go there. A sharp turn caught me off guard and I fishtailed but regained control. Perhaps I had been going a little recklessly. My speed slowed down and I wondered for the first time if I should turn around. The sign I passed made me realize I didn’t know where I was or where I was going. Unfortunately the road did not lend to such a decision, I would have to wait for a gas station or something. I drove on and slowly my speedometer crept up again to breakneck speeds. No goal or purpose drove me on, just adrenaline and curiosity. Who cared where I was supposed to be, just go along and enjoy the ride.
The sky began to darken and black clouds loomed on the horizon. A few drops of rain splattered on the windshield, growing in number but still light. I enjoyed the sound of the drops hitting my car. The wet made things more dangerous but also made me happy so I continued on ignoring the danger and reveling in the benefits. I passed a sign, ignoring it as I was going too fast to read. Another popped up, something about slowing speed. I was still in control I didn’t need someone else to tell me what to do. Suddenly a sharp turn caught me. Total loss of control and panic engulfed me as the car hydroplaned. Everything was spinning in chaos.

“car going recklessly fast and the driver apparently lost. Road empty of people or patrol.” The police report read. Because the road had been empty it had taken a while for anyone to notice the accident. “If only the driver had been paying attention to the warning signs, going slower, or if she had been on the main drag things might have been different,” the cops said. Control might have been regained if she had had both hands on the wheel and not been distracted by the music, things could have been different. Family and friends didn’t know how this happened. The girl they had watched leave was calculating, safe, logical not self destructive and reckless. This didn’t sound like her. But the girl who got in the car and the one they pulled out were two different people who shared the same fate.